Sunday, 29 September 2019

Dealing with Post natal depression

This post is in no way shape or form implying that being a mother is terrible and negative. In fact, being a mother is the complete opposite. It’s beautiful, it’s magical and it’s so rewarding. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love Harry, and believe me that would give any mother the feels as we all know what that feels like. It truly is the best gift in the world, 

When I went into labour, all hell broke loose and I’ve realise why I don’t talk talk about it as much as I should, it’s traumatic. It’s hard to explain labour to anyone who hasn’t been through it, it’s basically the worst feeling in the world, I personally wouldn’t use period cramps as an example because the pain I felt does not do it justice whatsoever. I was in so much pain from the minute my waters broke and I truly believe that’s what set my anxiety off, causing me to hyperventilate and being told “babies heartbeat is slowing down, you’re going to theatre” is not the words you want to hear when you’re in pain. I thought to myself “why am I hurting this much, only to be told my unborn child’s heart rate is slowing down. I couldn’t think straight and to be honest even though I had an epidural, I still felt like pure shit and that’s okay, every labour is difficult, regardless of what happens. I ended up having third degree tears, ventouse and forceps just to bring my child out. Believe it or not. I felt horrible from that labour. I couldn’t walk or sit down properly. I felt so hopeless towards my newborn baby. I remember crying to Owen feeling like the worst mum in the world because I couldn’t even reach over into the Moses basket. It’s horrible, we had visitors for about 2 weeks and I felt like I couldn’t bond with my baby because I was in so much pain, it’s hard to explain but I think it somewhat makes sense. 

As a mum we’re filled with so much worry from the minute we see their tiny heartbeat fluttering on the ultrasound screen, and believe me it doesn’t stop there. Everyday I find myself filled with the same guilt everyday. Worrying that I’m not good enough for Harry, worrying that maybe a tiny stain on his clothes means I’m lacking in care for him. Worrying I’m not spending enough time with him, and feeling like everyone is judging me. Believe me, I think everyone is a threat when it comes to Harry. I’ve had comments about the clothes Harry wears, the food he eats and the things we do and it really infuriates me to the core. Im a mother of a very happy one year old, Owen and I do a bloody amazing job considering our lack of knowledge when it comes to children in general. It angers me to the bone how rude and arrogant some people can be, not thinking with their words and acting like they know everything. I’m slowly learning to bite back at peoples teeth, give a little less care in the world because I know I’m a good mum yet people negatively find their ways to make you think differently. It’s HARD. Bonding with your child when you’re struggling to bond with yourself is seriously hard and I give myself credit every single day for carrying on. Harry is my purpose. Owen is my purpose. 

I feel so selfish for feeling the way I do within myself, I hate myself for not putting Harry’s feelings first and constantly drowning my sorrows. I feel terrible that I feel so down about this world when Harry couldn’t possibly have made mine. I feel threatened by other mums that maybe I have been struggling a little more than they have, I feel embarrassed and really out of place for feeling this way.  

 But do you know what? I’m only human. We all are. Shit happens and times do get tough. I’ve learnt to pick myself up from the ground because you have to, you simply have to move on. I’ve learnt to control my anxiety and think of it in a positive outlook. I’ve learnt to think positive when my mind could only think negative. I’m healing. I’m slowly getting back to myself, and although you can’t ever be “cured” of mental health, understanding it makes it easier. Non-sufferers will look down on you and probably speak harshly behind your back, think that if you’re smiling you’re clearly happy, and if you can go to a party you never had anxiety. I’m learning to ignore people’s criticism and focus on what I know for myself, and work on myself. To live everyday to the fullest of full and make each day count. Everyday is a blessing and you only get one shot at it, so get up, stick your makeup on and make it worth it. 

Saturday, 20 July 2019

The newest bargain you need right now

I've always been one to really look after my hair as I feel like it's so important in our day to day lives. I can't think of anything worse than crappy hair and seriously gross quality. I use way too many products on my hair anyway just to ensure it's how I want it to be, so you could say I spend a good chunk of my life looking after this mane. I've never really had thick looking hair, but my hair does grow quicker than an episode of Friends so you could say it's something people always compliment me over. I'm also that girl who can never decide on the length and colour she wants for her hair. I've decided to let it grow out and try to grow out my natural colour because I'm not really feeling the whole coloured hair vibe at the moment, natural is much better.

𝐼 𝒽𝒢𝒹 π“ƒπ‘œ π’Ύπ“ƒπ“‰π‘’π“ƒπ“‰π’Ύπ‘œπ“ƒ π‘œπ’» π’·π“Šπ“Žπ’Ύπ“ƒπ‘” π’Άπ“ƒπ“Žπ“‰π’½π’Ύπ“ƒπ‘”

I popped into Lidl a couple of weeks ago as we needed some bits and we were running out of shower gel so I picked that up (I'm going to do a post on Lidl skincare soon!) and cam across an aussie-dupe shampoo and conditioner. Long story short, I'm really wanting to try out the officialy Aussie haircare brand but this caught my eye and I was really intrigued to try it out. I had no intention of buying anything hair related as I hadn't needed to, I have a cupboard full of conditioners, but I thought I'd give it a go and see if it's worth mentioning as they were only 99p each which is a huge bargain find if you ask me. I was a little nervous about trying this because of how cheap it was, but I didn't want to be judgmental as anything affordable surprises you nowadays. 

π’©π‘œπ“‰ π“Œπ’½π’Άπ“‰ 𝐼 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒢𝓉 𝒢𝓁𝓁

I honestly had no Idea what to expect, It didn't really cross my mind that this could really ruin my hair, but I was wrong! A week into using this, my hair felt so soft that it was as if I was wearing someone elses hair. It didn't feel like mine at all and that really shocked me a lot. I bring it all down to the conditioner as this was the main attraction for me as I'm really into conditioning of the hair at the moment and I was thoroughly impressed. At first it doesn't really feel like it's doing much, but after a week or so you can really tell the difference and I didn't expect myself to be so in love with this at all, I don't even think I want to try another brand just yet because my mind has been all over this one.

𝐼𝓉 π“…π“‡π‘œπ“‚π‘œπ“‰π‘’π“ˆ 𝒽𝒢𝒾𝓇 π‘”π“‡π‘œπ“Œπ“‰π’½

I wash my hair once or twice a week and usually it feels greasy after the third day, but using this I've never had the feeling of greasy hair since. It feels so healthy and nourished and I can't stop playing with it! It looks so healthy and clean and that's the best feeling ever. This is probably the first shampoo and conditioner I've known yet that actually does what it says on the bottle. It's infused with aloe vera which is so healthy for your hair as it promoted hair growth and repairs any dead skin cells that might be on your scalp. I suffer badly with dandruff and as embarrassing as it may sound, it's a lot more common than we all think. It also has Kangaroo paw flower which is well known for repairing and moisturising, everything a girl needs for her hair!

I could not recommend this more, I never even knew about this a month ago and now It's my favourite shampoo and conditioner to use. I didn't expect it to be as good as it is, but it really is and you need to try it out. For 99p each you really can't go wrong and you'd be saving a hell of a lot of money!

Kay x

Sunday, 14 July 2019

Dove tanning lotion review

I used to love tanning a lot, and I was doing almost every day when I was in college and I loved the feeling of it on my skin. I've always been such a pale person so having darker skin helped my confidence in so many ways and I also felt like I looks slimmer too? That sounds silly when you think about it but it really did! I've tried so many different branded fake tans and if I'm going to be completely honest, none really gave me the right feels. I remember winning a St.Moriz competition back in the day which really got me into fake tan and I just didn't see myself liking it as much as I thought I would. I don't like the feeling of fake tan when it's first applied onto your skin but then again it's not meant to feel nice because it's going to stay like that. I will admit I absolutely love the feeling of waking up to fresh fake tan and the excitement of washing it off - I put that down purely to the fact that I want it off of my skin and to only have the browness on me. I'm a very pale girl and I do struggle coming to terms with that as I feel like I look boring and I can't pull off certain outfits because of this. Tanned skin looks amazing with neon colours and although I don't ever wear neon colours, it's just an example that is so true.

I started using Dove tanning lotion a couple of years ago and I haven't turned my head since. This is so affordable and you can get it in pretty much any drugstore, even B&M I believe? It's probably the easiest form of fake tan I know because it doesn't develop badly and you don't always have to wash it off. It's so convenient to me because I don't always have the time to properly fake tan so this is much more easier for me. I love the look that this gives, it's so natural and as if all you have is a summer glow which I am all for the natural looking way. I love how you can apply as little as you want and still get a good tan out of it and it also lasts me longer than a week which is a massive bonus as I couldn't see myself tanning every other day like I used to, it's not for me anymore and I also like to save my products so that they last me a lot longer.  

If you're on a budget and really enjoy fake tanning then I highly recommend this. It's so affordable and you get so much more out of it than a cheaper price. It gives a really good finish and you can either opt for a "light to medium" tan or a "medium to dark" tan which is really handy for either those who are less tanned and also those who are more tanned, everyone is happy and I love it. 

Kay x

Wednesday, 10 July 2019

Primark facial cleansing brush review

I love taking the time out of my day to do a full skincare routine on myself, It makes me feel so good about myself knowing that my skin is happy and healthy. One of the things that I really want to work on this year is achieving my skincare goals and ensuring that my skin is how I want it to be because lately It's so dull and boring that I almost hate it. One thing that really dawned on me was the fact I had never owned a facial brush and for someone who takes pride in her skincare routine, what the hell is wrong with me? I'd seen so many people using brushes for their skincare routines and honestly the thought amazes me, however I'd never had one for myself!

The brush itself is really easy to use as it's not too big or flimsy. the bristles don't feel horrible or cheap but then again this is a brush so it's not going to feel soft and makeup brush like, I want this to really work into my skin so even if it is a little rough I'm not that bothered because then I know that my products are going to work into my skin better. On the back there is a silicone sort of feel for massaging on the face which I always love doing when I cleanse my skin. 

I didn't really know what to expect from this brush as I'd never used one before so I couldn't really compare it to any others I have but I did feel like my skin felt a lot smoother than it would do if I was using my hands and the whole routine felt so much cleaner and hygienic as there was no physical contact with my hands. I definitely felt more cleaned with using this as I could focus on more tougher areas and give them an extra clean rather than hoping for the best. Using your hands doesn't really penetrate into your skin so a brush really opened my pores and gave them a deep clean.

I rate this a huge 10 out of 10 purely because of the quality and the fact my skin feels so clean and smooth. For £1 my skincare routine felt like I was using more products rather than 3 products and a brush. I really recommend this if you're on a budget with your skincare and you want to experiment with different techniques - this is your guy!

Kay x

© Kayleigh Williams. Design by Fearne.