If you follow me on my social media you will know that we're pregnant again! We both feel so lucky and blessed to experience this all over again, especially after our miscarriage last year, we finally got our rainbow baby. I still feel so lost for words right now, and I don't think I will ever be able to speak on behalf of my excitement, but we really are feeling so blessed.
I would be lying if I didn't feel nervous. The whole of my first trimester felt like such a rollercoaster in my eyes. Some nights I didn't even sleep because I was so nervous we would be going through the same thing again, I honestly felt like such an anxious mess the majority of the time but feelings are so normal! I never expected to get this far, when you get knocked back a few times it becomes so hard to grasp onto the fact everything is going to be okay. I tell you something now though, those first 12 weeks were the hardest.
We have kept a lot of our pregnancy a secret, we didn't tell our families until a month after we found out because we were so nervous something would go wrong and we would have to tell everyone again. We kept scan dates quiet because we didn't want to jinx anything, it was so sad that we felt that way but we couldn't help it. I remember telling Owen I was pregnant but then telling him please don't tell anyone, please. I felt awful for wanting to hide the most amazing news, but it was all because of fear that I couldn't control.
Pregnancy is definitely not easy, and anyone who thinks it is really hasn't gone through it like some people have. I feel like my pregnancy with harry was perfect, but then again I felt sick a lot so it wasn't perfect. Everything in life has flaws and thats perfectly okay to feel like you're not enjoying it like people say you should. I've definitely learnt to feel whatever I'm feeling and own it. Choosing to ignore feelings isn't healthy, it isn't kind to your body. I will never be ashamed for feeling as anxious as I did in my first trimester, and I will never be sorry for thinking the worst case scenarios because thats who I am, and thats what I felt. I lost my baby, so I think my feelings in this pregnancy are perfectly normal.
Im currently 16 weeks and I am in such a bubble right now, I feel so content with everything. I cant wait to meet our baby and bring them into this world. We still have a long way to go in this pregnancy, but everyday is one step closer to meeting our beautiful baby, and for that I am so excited.
Kay x
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