My thoughts and worries for labour the second time round

There is no doubt about it that I left the hospital after giving birth to Harry feeling nothing but trauma and violation. Of course I knew that labour was never going to be an easy ride, the pain is excruciating yet the whole giving birth is somewhat magical to me. I never thought about Labour when I was pregnant with harry, I never done any form of breathing exercises and to be honest, I kind of pushed it at the back of my mind. Maybe that's why I struggled so much, I was never prepared for how traumatic and painful labour can be. I thought in my mind that maybe It was going to be a horrible case of period pains, but in fact it's much much worse.

I was already 5cm dilated at my sweep, I honestly had no idea and my midwife was shocked that I wasn't in any form of pain; I took my bum to hospital but was of course sent home as I wasn't in active labour. Later that night I thought my waters had broken but it was actually an embarrassing case of me weeing myself. That night was something I had never experienced in my life. Seeing 20+ doctors run into the labour room to rush me to theatre, Owen being told he had to wait until I was in the theatre room was truly horrific. Although I was off my head on Gas and Air, I just wanted the pain to go and for it to all be over!

I was threatened a c-section because Harry literally got stuck inside of me and his heart rate was dropping so it was an emergency thought of thing, again 18 year old me had no clue what was happening but obviously I had no choice but to go with the flow. I had been given the epidural, and harry was delivered via forceps and ventouse which had an impact on his head as it came out cone shaped. I was just so relieved that it was all over, I never ever wanted to experience that again. I'd be lying if I didn't say it put us off trying for another for so long, but I don't blame us to be honest, what a horrific start!

I am honestly terrified for labour, but I'm prepared to do all of the studying, hypno-birthing etc to make sure this labour is as special as it can be. I really don't want to panic like I did last time which I know is easier said than done, but listening to my body is as important as can be. Regardless of anything it will be painful and I know there is nothing I can really change about that, but being calm and not stressing the baby out is so important. 

I'm aiming to have the water birth that I really wanted, obviously I never got a chance to do it last time, but I'm excited to give it a go inside. There are so many benefits to having a water birth which is why I want to do it, and I've always found that having a bath really helps with any from of stress or pain which is another reason I want to do it!

Fingers crossed that this labour goes as well as it can be, I really hope so anyway!

Kay x